Honoring my friend John Chapman

John was very committed to Theravadan Buddhism. And long-distance bicyling. And cancer treatment, too--another thing he showed up for that takes stamina.

And he was taken from us by a hit and run driver in PA, doing what he loved, bicycling.

Is he now one lifetime closer to enlightenment? I don't know. As Kevin Griffin recently kept repeating as an answer to numerous questions about karma at New York Insight Meditation: "Don't know." He was quoting another teacher, I think. I guess I forget because I tend to check out when big mystical questions come up about karma and reincarnation.

If karma is blockage from the divine infinite self, it seems like John had not much, if any. So did his deathless qualities pick up their bags and go into another being? To the universe?

Don't know.

I am not committed to Theravadan Buddhist practice. It just never totally clicked and after 10 years I doubt it will. I like retreats, I appreciate the container, but they're difficult. So I am even ambivalent about those.

I have other practices I also don't-commit to: yoga, reiki, and tai chi. Among others. I try to do more teaching and healing, because that's when I feel most connected to the infinite. But I'm sorry my lack of focus kept me from seeing John in class. I never would've thought my last hug from him was when I saw him in January, indulging in a class because I coordinated with a friend to have dinner before, and a ride home with after. Yes, that's where the motivation came from.

I guess we're all in different places. I'm glad he was on the path. Was he helped by me the way I was by him on the path?

Don't know.

Back on track

Haven't posted in forever, admittedly my little spiritual blurbs go on Facebook! But I've been teaching regularly in Fort Tryon Park and sporadically with Gear to Go Outfitters--definitely outdoors is dominant, maybe because my weekly tai chi class is outdoors so the energy follows.

I've been doing morning yoga classes at Mind Body Soul in Washington Heights, weather permitting for the long walk of course. Needless to say not weekly as planned, so I've wasted yet another class card!

Just meditation-retreated with Kevin Griffin, who's book name this blog inadvertently plagiarized, and my Hawaii retreat with him was fantastic. I've taken other classes with George Pitagorsky and Gina Sharpe and trying to practice steadily with Sandra Weinberg.

Soon I'll be posting for a low cost class I plan to teach (guess where?) outdoors...

From Charles Matkin

I took a workshop with him in near-hurricane conditions out on Long Island a couple of weeks ago--and then today found this awesome quote by him from a Yoga Journal interview from probably 2008:

"...yoga and spirituality won't fix your emotional life...They're incredible tools. But you can meditate to numb your feelings, too, and that gets you nowhere. I think meditation works best when you use it to see more clearly what's going on inside, so you can act from a more balanced place."

He makes spiritual practice make sense! I'm such a fan now, much more than when I used to see him on the Yoga Zone videos (yes, I had them on VHS, my mom gave me several about 10 yeras ago) and TV show from the early 00's.

Frost Valley YMCA Women's Wellness Retreat 2010

I had a great time teaching yoga at this year's retreat which had the theme of integrating mind, body, and spirit. I was interviewed for a short web video clip and got to demo yoga on camera, a first which made me realize how much I want to do videos besides my audio podcasts. The yoga sessions were fun for me, mixing yoga and reiki and talking about how the practice relates to life.

The Catskill mountains were beautiful and I did yoga in the brisk mountain air Saturday after giving a private reiki session and taking a meditation class. No less than 5 deer paused to watch me. They were skittish--snorting and stomping a bit, not knowing what to make of the quiet, barely moving human being. I beamed them a little reiki so they would hopefully not get run over as they seemed to be undecided about crossing the road once they decided I was no threat and they walked by. Always good to see animal fight or flight to learn about my own which I practice yoga to help heal.

I explored watercolors in a workshop as part of my ongoing Artist's Way work. (I'm on Week 8! Been doing morning pages but not religiously and sort of doing the artist's dates.) I'm messy but I guess that's OK, I got colors on paper and that's working the throat/creative chakra.

As usual, my friends from Long Island drove me home which kept the spirit of the retreat alive for a few more hours, thank goodness.

IntenSati

I tried a DVD of the IntenSati workout today with Patricia Moreno, who does a very good DVD also by Gaiam for kickboxing. It was good for my heart rate; the affirmations I followed along by ear only, not by voice. I liked the cultivation of gratitude mostly. Although repetitious at times I thought the rhythmic movements were good exercise and grounding and the hour went by pretty fast.

My most recent Kundalini video, Solar Power, was actually not as intense as the other Raviana DVD for the solar plexus chakra called Navel Power but it felt like a solid session and I enjoyed Ana Brett's circa 1984-looking "relax" orange t-shirt. I'm dabbling in their recent all-meditation DVD and liking it because it gives me focus.

The ipod is the smartest thing I've ever bought! I listen to many an ignored meditation mp3 on the subway now. Vidya, Bodhipaksa, and a set from Whole Foods called Meditations to Change Your Mind as well as the CD for Energy Moves. I may not develop real concentration with my on-the-go practice but now I stand a chance at relaxation.

I've done some reiki exchange but, other than finding a new studio space to rent, have not much going on with the teaching except that at the end of the month is my annual teaching at Frost Valley!

Krishna Das on Long Island

Another great Long Island spiritual event! I saw Krishna Das with David Nichtern--NY dharma teacher who I honestly maybe heard 7 years ago but am not sure-- on guitar. I can't believe I didn't readily know who he was, I've heard him during yoga classes a million times, he was recognizable immediately. We chanted lots of sanskrit stuff, some in English, basically praising God. It was ecstatic, some folks were dancing around during the fast chants.

Other spiritual practice of late? I tried Journey Through the Chakras, a holistic practice from Ravi Singh and Ana Brett. Did a great class with my friend Susan, classic Dharma Mittra style that I can only do about 75% of actually. Working on tai chi form fundamentals--the full form broken down--I really have to pay attention now, help! Had a fantastic, amazing retreat with Gloria Taraniya Ambrosia--she's like Lilias Folan, a mature, composed, and vital lady who feels nurturing. It was a tremendous retreat that helped me with meditation. I also heard Sandra Weinberg last week, and she gave a funny, real Dharma Talk--this is also related to New York Insight.

Then, in the spirit of a true "sandwich" retreat, another long weekend with my regular group at Garrison. Love the silence and nature. It's an escape without the escapism. It's tough, there are tears, tiredness. It's worth it.

And my regular teacher gave a class last night on joy, how it's needed for meditation. Indeed, just being with the mind when it's suffering deeply can be way too much. Trying to start Vipassana meditation after 9/11 was ridiculous, I can't believe I tried for so long. I still barely sit, mostly rely on retreats for what I feel is meaningful practice.

Here's to whatever lies ahead in the new year and decade. The flow of chi, reiki, prana...

In honor of Betsy

Betsy, who received reiki from me for several months after being diagnosed with cancer, passed away on Saturday. I was present and she received the reiki like a sponge right until the vet came to end her suffering. I am so grateful things went as peacefully as they did. Sonia, Betsy's mom, and I did some meditation and chants afterwards, and in addition to the reiki said prayers before (as well as after).

I met Betsy when she was sick, but she definitely had a spark and I'm sure it's shining brightly now, just in a different way.